Survive Death

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Solution

Increasing the odds of surviving Death

The description for "Death" can be found under "Why be prepared".

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The following information has been provided with the intent of offering comfort and direction for those who may be concerned about the effects associated with death. This is often a topic of discomfort and an event which typically occurs at the most in-opportune times in life. It is an inevitable occurance that is sure to impact most all human beings in ways that can change lives. This subject matter has the potential to cause a great deal of emotional distress as well as having social, economic and specific consequences for people, animals, business and nations alike.  Death happens to us all, ... be it directly or indirectly. Be prepared for anything, ... including death.

 

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Immediate assistance

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1 (305) 668-4902

Web site info:  http://childbereavement.org/

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Find help at Griefshare

Web site info:  http://www.griefshare.org/

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Anything that’s on your mind

Text “GO” to 741-741

Web site info: [Click here]

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Surviving the moment

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Surviving the experience associated with the death of another is variable and specific to each one of us. We all process events as such in our way. However, ... there are a few aspects of death expected as normal where time is relevant. When a loved one has a life threatening illness known in its effects to deteriorate them over time we have that opportunity to process and react in such a way that spares our emotional state from impacts of trauma. This of course does not alleviate the pain experienced at the time of discovering the illness but it does however leave time for closure. This is a time to say what needs to be said, .... do what needs to be done and most of all, ... act in closure for all concerned. This relevance to time is similar for those who have experienced the passing of a friend or family member following geriatric stages of life. Most people of mature age have a full understanding that life has a beginning and an end. People living in their senior years experience symptoms and signs telling them that life is closer to reaching its farthest point in duration. By this time in our lives we have set plans in place and provided those with concern and care ample time to prepare their hearts and minds for the inevitable passing.

The stages of grief are more likely subject to a degree of control and order while navigating through the experience as opposed to sudden impact.  All of our preparations and readiness does not eliminate the pain when someone we care for passes away but surviving the moment is easier when we are prepared for it.  .... Not so for unexpected or sudden deaths. When a person or pet dies unexpectedly it can have very dramatic effects and long term consequences. Sudden death can be as a result of many unforeseen aspects some of which are self inflicted and some are not. Despite the causes we still find that we experience the same initial shock inherent with the immediate loss. Coping with this type of sudden loss is done so in a variety of means but typically with the aid of a caring family member or friend. Below are a few references and resources to help understand the process of dealing with such a calamity.

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 Assisting links

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Coping with Sudden Death

Coming to Terms with Unexpected Death

The Grief/Bereavement Process - Unexpected Death Vs. Expected Death

Sudden Loss Support Kit

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Transitioning

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The five stages of grief:  Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance

The stages have evolved since their introduction and they have been very misunderstood over the past three decades. They were never meant to help tuck messy emotions into neat packages. They are responses to loss that many people have, but there is not a typical response to loss as there is no typical loss. Our grief is as individual as our lives. The five stages, denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance are a part of the framework that makes up our learning to live with the one we lost. They are tools to help us frame and identify what we may be feeling. But they are not stops on some linear timeline in grief. Not everyone goes through all of them or in a prescribed order. Our hope is that with these stages comes the knowledge of grief ‘s terrain, making us better equipped to cope with life and loss. At times, people in grief will often report more stages. Just remember your grief is an unique as you are.

 DENIAL ⇒ This first stage of grieving helps us to survive the loss. In this stage, the world becomes meaningless and overwhelming. Life makes no sense. We are in a state of shock and denial. We go numb. We wonder how we can go on, if we can go on, why we should go on. We try to find a way to simply get through each day. Denial and shock help us to cope and make survival possible. Denial helps us to pace our feelings of grief. There is a grace in denial. It is nature’s way of letting in only as much as we can handle. As you accept the reality of the loss and start to ask yourself questions, you are unknowingly beginning the healing process. You are becoming stronger, and the denial is beginning to fade. But as you proceed, all the feelings you were denying begin to surface.

 ANGER ⇒ Anger is a necessary stage of the healing process. Be willing to feel your anger, even though it may seem endless. The more you truly feel it, the more it will begin to dissipate and the more you will heal. There are many other emotions under the anger and you will get to them in time, but anger is the emotion we are most used to managing. The truth is that anger has no limits. It can extend not only to your friends, the doctors, your family, yourself and your loved one who died, but also to God. You may ask, “Where is God in this? Underneath anger is pain, your pain. It is natural to feel deserted and abandoned, but we live in a society that fears anger. Anger is strength and it can be an anchor, giving temporary structure to the nothingness of loss. At first grief feels like being lost at sea: no connection to anything. Then you get angry at someone, maybe a person who didn’t attend the funeral, maybe a person who isn’t around, maybe a person who is different now that your loved one has died. Suddenly you have a structure – – your anger toward them. The anger becomes a bridge over the open sea, a connection from you to them. It is something to hold onto; and a connection made from the strength of anger feels better than nothing.We usually know more about suppressing anger than feeling it. The anger is just another indication of the intensity of your love.

 BARGAINING ⇒ Before a loss, it seems like you will do anything if only your loved one would be spared. “Please God, ” you bargain, “I will never be angry at my wife again if you’ll just let her live.” After a loss, bargaining may take the form of a temporary truce. “What if I devote the rest of my life to helping others. Then can I wake up and realize this has all been a bad dream?” We become lost in a maze of “If only…” or “What if…” statements. We want life returned to what is was; we want our loved one restored. We want to go back in time: find the tumor sooner, recognize the illness more quickly, stop the accident from happening…if only, if only, if only. Guilt is often a bargaining companion. The “if only syndrome” causes us to find fault in ourselves and what we “think” we could have done differently. We may even bargain with the pain. We will do anything not to feel the pain of this loss. We remain in the past, trying to negotiate our way out of the hurt. People often think of the stages as lasting weeks or months. They forget that the stages are responses to feelings that can last for minutes or hours as we flip in and out of one and then another. We do not enter and leave each individual stage in a linear fashion. We may feel one, then another and back again to the first one.

 DEPRESSION ⇒ After bargaining, our attention moves squarely into the present. Empty feelings present themselves, and grief enters our lives on a deeper level, deeper than we ever imagined. This depressive stage feels as though it will last forever. It’s important to understand that this depression is not a sign of mental illness. It is the appropriate response to a great loss. We withdraw from life, left in a fog of intense sadness, wondering, perhaps, if there is any point in going on alone? Why go on at all? Depression after a loss is too often seen as unnatural: a state to be fixed, something to snap out of. The first question to ask yourself is whether or not the situation you’re in is actually depressing. The loss of a loved one is a very depressing situation, and depression is a normal and appropriate response. To not experience depression after a loved one dies would be unusual. When a loss fully settles in your soul, the realization that your loved one didn’t get better this time and is not coming back is understandably depressing. If grief is a process of healing, then depression is one of the many necessary steps along the way.

 ACCEPTANCE ⇒ Acceptance is often confused with the notion of being “all right” or “OK” with what has happened. This is not the case. Most people don’t ever feel OK or all right about the loss of a loved one. This stage is about accepting the reality that our loved one is physically gone and recognizing that this new reality is the permanent reality. We will never like this reality or make it OK, but eventually we accept it. We learn to live with it. It is the new norm with which we must learn to live. We must try to live now in a world where our loved one is missing. In resisting this new norm, at first many people want to maintain life as it was before a loved one died. In time, through bits and pieces of acceptance, however, we see that we cannot maintain the past intact. It has been forever changed and we must readjust. We must learn to reorganize roles, re-assign them to others or take them on ourselves. Finding acceptance may be just having more good days than bad ones. As we begin to live again and enjoy our life, we often feel that in doing so, we are betraying our loved one. We can never replace what has been lost, but we can make new connections, new meaningful relationships, new inter-dependencies. Instead of denying our feelings, we listen to our needs; we move, we change, we grow, we evolve. We may start to reach out to others and become involved in their lives. We invest in our friendships and in our relationship with ourselves. We begin to live again, but we cannot do so until we have given grief its time.

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Helping survivors to move forward

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Initially, be persistent and offer concrete help. A grieving family may feel so overwhelmed by the loss that they may not know where to start or what someone can do to help. Offer to prepare meals, help with child care, answer the phone, run errands, or help make phone calls or memorial arrangements. If the media is involved, it may be beneficial to run interference for the family. After a few months, support is most needed. Be prepared to listen. Give the bereaved time to talk about their loss if they want. Ask how you can help. You can offer to take them to or go with them to a support group if it's feels appropriate. Over time it helps to remember the grieving on the difficult days—anniversaries, holidays, the birthday or the death day of the person who died. People like to know that others still remember their loved one.

Sudden losses, like all losses, are very distinct and are likely to affect survivors in many different ways. One cannot compare loss. The greatest loss is the one that the grieving person is suffering. Each loss, whether sudden or not, creates its own unique issues. It is important to allow survivors to grieve in their own individual way. Sudden loss creates distinct issues and problems for survivors. It also shares many reactions common to the grieving process—being a process that survivors go through following a loss. Each type of sudden loss, whether due to heart failure or a terrorist attack, leaves survivors bereaved, dazed and vulnerable and subject to the process one way or another.

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About our pets

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For some people, .... losing a pet is not as devastating as losing a person. For many, ... the opposite is factual. People who have pets which are included as a "family and friend" often have a co-dependency with those pets. It is evident that humans can have a fonder appreciation for their pets than that of human companionship. Despite their integral personalities and dependency upon their hosts pets most certainly offer comfort in many ways that is replaced by little to nothing else. Nothing compares. When a person dies most others tend to offer a reasonable degree of grief support and empathy with greater levels of enthusiasm than for those who have just lost a cat or dog. As pet owners, ... we are often subject to grieving without receiving similar levels of support yet the need is exactly the same if not more so at times. Many people are far more attached to their pets and animals than they are with humans for various reasons. Pets are often there when you want or need them nearby, ... they don't  cause as much demand as people can, ... they are typically very willing to exchange affection and are most often non judgmental.  Many people have been known to transfer their alliances from human compassion and relationships to pets and animals for obvious reasons. They are noted as being far less self serving and offer loyalty worth mentioning. The love and degree of attachment for a pet can often exceed levels of appreciation for a human counterpart.When a pet passes away it is comforting to share our grief with like minded people. It is advantageous to avoid seeking empathy from those who are oblivious or out of touch with the severity associated with our loss. Seek like minded people for effective support.

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Support & Grieving / Dogs

Support & Grieving / Cats

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Preparing for our own passing

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One Day, You're Going to Die. Here's How to Prepare for It

It's a fact of life that we're all going to die at some point. While it's not something you probably want to think about, you can make things a lot easier on yourself (and your family) if you get everything in order now. Here's what you need to do.

Your inevitable demise is hopefully not on your mind too often, but it's still something you should think about long enough to get everything in order. Doing so ensures that everything in your life is organized so others can see what you want to happen after you're gone, what you own, and how to handle a variety of situations.

If this sounds daunting, don't worry too much: being unmarried, without children, and without a useful asset to speak of, I was able to get everything in order in about two hours (I still had a lawyer friend double-check everything to ensure I wasn't accidentally giving my dog medical power of attorney). The more you own the longer it'll take, but it's not nearly as time-consuming as it looks because most of this stuff you probably already have ready to go.

Note: We can do a lot of this stuff on our own, but it's a good idea to speak with a lawyer about your will, assets, and general estate planning. This guide is meant more to get you acquainted with terms, provide DIY options when applicable, and help you collect together what you need.

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Decide What Happens After You Die

Planning for your death is actually two things: what happens after you die, and what happens if you're ill and unable to handle decisions yourself. Let's start with taking care of what happens after you die, starting with your last will and testament.

[Read more from this source]

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Death Preparation Checklist - It's OK to Die

Prepare for Death Wisely | Death-Wise

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Biblical references to death

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Bible Verses About Death - Receive guidance, strength and encouragement by reading passages about death and related topics such as loss, grieving, and heaven. Read verses from the Holy Bible about death in relation to God, Jesus Christ, and the Christian faith.

[Go here for more]

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Biblical counseling library for death

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For more information, ...call

1-800-488-HOPE , (4673) or visit

www.hopefortheheart.org.

For prayer encouragement and biblical counsel, ...call

1-866-570-HOPE, ... (4673)

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Resources

http://grief.com/the-five-stages/

http://www.oktodie.com/preparation-checklists

http://www.hospicenet.org/html/preparing_for.html

http://www.journeyofhearts.org/grief/accident2.html

http://www.webmd.com/palliative-care/journeys-end-active-dying

https://www.deathwise.org/how-we-help/prepare-for-death-wisely/

http://www.charletfuneralhome.com/Coming-to-Terms-with-Unexpected-Death.html

http://lifehacker.com/5992722/one-day-youre-going-to-die-heres-how-to-prepare-for-it

http://www.aarp.org/home-family/friends-family/info-06-2012/when-loved-one-dies-checklist.html

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P2S